I look at my life right now and there are certainly many habits that contradict with my personal philosophy (ex: I smoke and seldom workout anymore even though I’m really big on personal health and well being). I’m going to address some negative habits in my life and attempt to tackle them one by one further down the road. This post is more for my own self improvement than for sharing my experiences with others, but if anyone sees fit, they can blog about their own habits too and look back from day to day to gauge improvement.

Habit #1: Smoking

Anyone that knows me probably knows how many times I promised myself to quit smoking but never did. I’ll admit that, yes, I am mentally weak and succumb easily to the addiction. But I also blame this to my tendency to skip to the endgame instead of slowly progressing through the habit change. Eliminating this habit can greatly increase my energy level and also prolong my life by several years.

Habit #2: Exercise

Since I got a job, I have completely stopped working out. I can argue that working takes a good 10 hour chunk off my day, but it still isn’t an excuse for not keeping up a healthy habit. Now that I quit my job to prepare for the start of school, I’m aiming to hit the gym daily during this time period and do the same when I’m at UCSD.

Habit #3: Sleep

I’ve been sleeping around 7 hours a day and sometimes even less. 7 hour’s isn’t terrible, but it gets me into sleep debt on the weekends where I would have to sleep up to 10 hours to feel normal. Improving my sleeping pattern will hike my energy level and start my day with much more productivity.

Habit #4: Exploring the Possibilities

I always talk big, like making it as a world renown music producer or an online entrepreneur that rakes in thousands a day off passive income; however, I’m making slow if not no improvement towards my goals at all within the past few weeks. I only saw the light when a good friend told me that “talk is cheap, back that shit up with some substance.” The funny thing is, I have almost all the tools I need to get me to where I want to be. I not only need to accept and internalize the belief that I can get anything I want if I wanted it badly enough, but also squash all fears including the fear of failure and the fear of success.

The list can go on, but I will stop here because I have to head out.

Note that this is just a quick summary. I will go deeper into any one of these topics on a later day if I feel like there is a need.

My legs quiver then begin to tremble. Another drag, but my emotions are still running amok. An internal dialogue flares up between logic and emotion.

“No CT, don’t jump. You’re going to land wrong or hit a rock.”

“Fuck that! You came all the way here to conquer a fear, whats holding you back?”

“Play it safe. Imagine what your folks would think if they find out about this risky endeavor.”

“Fuck what they think. Make a decision on your own behalf for once.”

“I’ve been by your side for your whole life, man. When have you ever gotten hurt because of me?! Just listen to me again and you’ll be safe.”

“You’ll never grow unless you take the leap.”

“Fuck what he says. No need to change one bit you’re fine the way you are. Yea, good boy. You’re listening to me. Now slowly back away from the edg…”

I leaped, bathing in the momentary glory of conquest before gravity sends me falling.

Splash.